This is me.. This is my life...

so i know its been FOREVER since i posted… which doesnt really matter cause i doubt anyone actually reads my stuff (i dont really care though). anyhoo i wanted to catch yall up on whats been going on. mainly my number one focus right now.. ME… as in my body.

i got SOOO fed up with how i looked and was very depressed because i hit a top weight of 215 lbs.. so i’ve started going to the gym and going for walks and eating less (a side effect of my add medicine). and ya know what? going to the gym and moving around isnt a chore anymore. its something i actually enjoy now. that by itself is a pretty big accomplishment if i do say so myself… and in early september i was 215 lbs and noooowww *drumroll PLEASE* i’m down to 187!!!

while i’m fairly certain that i’ll never be a size 2 (cough cough ALEX..totally jeal of you btw lol) i figure a 9 or a ten would be perfectly reasonable.. right? i mean i have a bigger build.. as in i dont have the bone structure to be a 2 or hell probably even a 5 so i think a 9 or 10 would suit me just fine. AND once i hit my goal im going to join a rowing team.. best exercise EVER.

basically heres how i see myself ideally… lose weight to get to a size 9 or 10 (and actually STAY there…which will take some work), grow my hair back to a longer length (i thought short would look good but i miss my looong hair) and keep it dyed to a dark brown (i recently dyed it a dark brown to cover the red dye til it grew out but the brown is fading and the red is back… this might take awhile… grrr… anyone know how to make your hair grow faster? i take good care of it… keep it trimmed and free of dead ends but it just wont grow…

anyhoo thats about it for now.. i’ll add pics as i hit landmarks on my path to a skinnier me

i can’t believe how long its been since i posted. feels like forever. well i guess some updates are in order

i finally moved out. im in a house with my bff right across from school which is good. i’m totally enjoying engaged life :D other than that life is pretty good right now. i cant really complain. i’ve made some new friends, lost some old ones but i dont really care because theyre people i dont want to be friends with anymore. i went to a party last night and realized i NEED to go out more so thats what ima do lol.

anyway ttfn tata for now!

*muah*

just so you know. i’m only putting this here as opposed to facebook because i’m pretty sure no one on here knows who i’m talking about…

anyway, so at like 9 tonight i get a call from one of my best friends… shes crying harder than i ever heard her cry before. so i’m thinking some stuff went down with one of her friends. now you need to know that she just found out she was pregnant and thinking about an abortion (she had no other choice.. she’s even against abortion and didnt see an alternative). so anyway i get to where she is (a mutual friends house) and she’s laying down on the bed ballilng her eyes out. it turns out she fell on her stomach and had a miscarraige. so aside from the stress of that, one of her “friends”(the current girlfriend of the mutual friend and the girl who was claiming miscarraiges herself) started giving her shit for it and talking bad about her to her face, while shes laying on the bed clutching her stomach in pain. i mean i’ve never seen more pain in someone’s eyes before. so now things are ten times worse, chris and i are comforting her while her parents come and pick her up. now normally when i say i wanna kill someone i dont mean it…. however this girl giving her shit (carli) is soooo out of line and soooo over due for an ass kicking (no one will do it cause she has a kid) that i’m about to do it. i swear she has crossed the line and screwed over too many people to ever be forgivin…. i can’t even comprehend how low carli went with this… i have a bruise on my knuckle from hitting my car window… i’ve never been this angry in my LIFE.

….so what just happend here… like i dont even feel like it happend… if that makes sense… like i’ll wake up tomaro and it will have been a dream…. i wish that could happen…